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Have you ever had a recurring thought that you just couldn’t shake? An intrusive thought, usually worrisome and catastrophic, that persisted despite every attempt to replace it with a more positive and affirming one? *Raises both hands

If so, there’s a good chance you’re experiencing sticky thinking. This simply means your brain has a difficult time moving past an idea or thought that is front-and-center in your mind. And there’s a reason why your efforts to stop those pesky thoughts in their tracks have been futile.

“Stickiness of the mind is the term we use for a biologically based trait that is experienced as repetitive looping thinking, a sense of getting mired in worry, a talent for imaginative flights into catastrophic images and thoughts, and a tendency for junk channels of the mind to get loud and insistent instead of simply flowing by,” write Martin Seif PhD and Sally Winston PsyD in Psychology Today.

And this may be hard to hear, especially if you’re in a seemingly never-ending spiral of catastrophic thinking. But there isn’t a black-and-white approach for clearing these thoughts from your mind. In fact, any attempt to get rid of them – called paradoxical effort – can actually lead to even more intrusive and distressing thoughts, according to Seif and Winston. 

So if you thought challenging those thoughts, distracting from them, or even replacing them with positive affirmations would do the trick, think again. Instead, Seif and Winston recommend an approach called therapeutic surrender.

The foundation of therapeutic surrender is a shift in how you think about sticky thinking. “It is based on practicing disentanglement – learning how not to get caught up in the flypaper of a sticky mind by attributing too much meaning to false alarms, conditioned reactions, and automatic associations,” note Seif and Winston.

The concept of therapeutic surrender may be difficult to grasp as there isn’t a step-by-step process for rewiring your thoughts. But below are a few tips and habits to help you manage sticky thinking based on my own experience with persistent and unwelcome thoughts.

There isn’t a black-and-white approach for clearing these thoughts from your mind. In fact, any attempt to get rid of them – called paradoxical effort – can actually lead to even more intrusive and distressing thoughts.

1. See sticky thoughts for what they are – just thoughts

“You are not your thoughts; you are the observer of your thoughts.” – Amit Ray, author and spiritual master.

No matter how repetitive and intrusive they are, sticky thoughts do not represent the totality of who you are or your current reality. Rather, they’re likely influenced by past trauma, current stressors, and anxiety about the future. And this brings us to our next point, as one of the best ways to practice detaching yourself from your thoughts is through mindfulness.

2. Practice mindfulness

If you’re new to mindfulness, it may seem like an obscure concept reserved for those who have monk-level abilities. Au contraire, anyone can develop a mindfulness practice, and it can be a valuable tool in combating sticky thoughts. 

Put simply, mindfulness is achieved when you focus your awareness on what’s happening in the present moment, and not ruminating about what happened yesterday or what’s waiting for you tomorrow. It requires focusing on the “right now.”

And most important, mindfulness teaches you to be gentle with your thoughts. Meditation is one way to practice mindfulness. And if you’re anything like me, you probably can’t get through one minute of meditation before you begin to think about the next item on your to-do list or that awkward moment between you and your coworker last week.

The goal of meditation isn’t to stop you from thinking. It’s to empower you to think about thinking and to train your mind to refocus after an intrusive or unwanted thought throws your meditation practice off-course. And this same skill can be used to manage sticky thoughts when they crop up.

3. Avoid things that can amplify sticky thoughts

Repetitive, unwanted thoughts are often triggered by a particular person, thing, or event. And idenitifying those triggers is an important step in getting to the root of your sticking thinking and addressing it head-on.

Mindfulness, or being grounded in the present moment, can help. Pay attention to your environment when a sticky thought crops up.

Did you listen to a particular song?

Did you have one too many drinks?

Did you receive negative feedback?

Did a friend ignore your phone call?

Even seemingly insignificant occurrences can set these negative thoughts in motion. Whatever your trigger, make a mental note of it and try to avoid it or replace it with a less triggering activity. If it’s unavoidable, plan a counterattack that helps to stop the thought in its track.

4. Give yourself (and your thoughts) grace

Remember we discussed the idea of “therapeutic surrender?” This is what it’s all about.

As Seif and Winston suggested, challenging – and especially demonizing – your thoughts isn’t helpful. There’s no value in disparaging yourself for your thoughts or judging your thoughts too harshly.

As I mentioned earlier, sticky thoughts are simply thoughts usually influenced by something outside of yourself. They’re only harmful if you allow them to take root and define who you are.

Victory over sticky thinking

I know, I know. Sticky thoughts are no fun. And though there may not be a quick fix for banishing them in the moment, I believe we have the power to retrain our minds, create new neural pathways, and minimize the impact of these pesky thoughts over time.