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I know what you’re thinking: Not another self-care post.

Indeed, it is. And yes, we’re living in an age where the concept of self-care has been overused, commodified, and even trivialized in some cases. But we can’t let that deter us from this simple fact: self-care is essential. Not to sound dramatic, but it can even be a matter of life and death for some of us. And having a set of tools that we can easily access and that can effectively help us defend ourselves against stress and anxiety is a life-saving hack.

So before we proceed, let’s be clear about a few things:

No. 1: Yes, “self-care” has been hijacked by social media trends and romanticized for the sake of aesthetics. But as I mentioned before, it’s still necessary. And more importantly, self-care is accessible to everyone, despite what you may see on Instagram and TikTok. For Black and brown women in particular, caring for ourselves is revolutionary and an act of resilience because culturally and historically we’ve been seen as undeserving of proper care. Word to Audre Lorde.

No. 2: Following up on my first point, self-care comes in many forms. And it doesn’t have to look one way. It just needs to be replenishing and nourishing – for you. If a luxurious, international vacation is nourishing and financially feasible for you, then give yourself permission to indulge. But on most days, we most likely only have access to more practical tools, like a phone call with a friend or a warm bubble bath.

And finally, No. 3: Self-care isn’t a cure for mental-health disorders. I believe it’s both a preventative and restorative practice that helps to minimize the effects of stress and anxiety. Committing to regular self-care practices can build your immunity against certain stressors while making it easier for you to manage other challenging situations. It can also replenish you when balancing the load of work, family, society, and life in general depletes you.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Audre Lorde

Tips for building a self-care toolkit that you can easily access to relieve stress and refill your tank

It begins with self-awareness. Curating a set of self-care tools that actually work for you requires: 1) Being sensitive to your physical, mental, and emotional cues and connecting them to a specific need and 2) Understanding the tools available to you that will help you meet that need.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be crystal-clear on those two things in order to build your toolkit. For building self-awareness, simply get in the habit of asking yourself, “What do I feel?” or “What do I need?” Identifying what’s effective at reducing your stress is trial-and-error and requires continuous assessment as your needs – and how you decide to fulfill those needs – will likely change over time. 

If you need help getting started, here are a few suggestions based on different categories of self-care, plus examples of what I have in my toolkit (in no particular order):

1. Move your body

We all know physical activity increases the good chemicals in our brains, like serotonin and dopamine. So no matter how tired, listless, or unmotivated you may feel, moving your body can reverse the negative effects of stress.

Identify a few of your go-to forms of movement. These can be activities that energize you and get your blood pumping or ones that feel more relaxing and restorative. Preferably you’d incorporate a mix of both in your toolkit that you can access depending on your specific need.

This is where self-awareness comes into play. 

What feels nourishing to me may feel depleting to you. For example, one of my go-to forms of movement is running. It serves as a mindfulness practice for me, helping to alleviate stress and produce a sense of calm in my mind. For others, running as a form of self-care sounds absurd and would only make them feel worse.

2. Lean on your community — no matter how small

It’s not unusual to isolate yourself when you’re feeling stressed or anxious. Research shows that some of us use isolation as a self-coping mechanism to deal with excessive worry and avoid human interaction. But this can, in fact, increase our stress, as we’re likely craving support and social connection that may or may not be available to us. 

Aim to have one or two close friends or family members on speed dial. Make sure you can trust them as confidantes, and choose people who can be empathetic and provide the type of support you need. Once you’ve identified them, I’d recommend making them aware of their newfound role in your life. This way, there’s already an expectation that you’ll call in your moments of need for social support.

And it doesn’t have to be a phone call. It could be a text, email, or a recorded message. I don’t know what I’d do without my group chats and the ever-so-frequent voice messages to and from my friends.

3. Tap into spiritual practices

Sometimes we need to go within to quiet our mind and bring our body to a calm state. This is where spiritual practices can come in handy. Spiritual self-care includes any practice that connects you to your true or higher self and helps you develop a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. It doesn’t have to be a religious practice, but for many it’s an opportunity to connect to God or a higher power.

Here are just a few spiritual disciplines that you can add to your self-care toolkit and readily access when you need to nurture your mind and spirit:

• Prayer
• Guided and unguided meditation
• Journaling
• Yoga and breathwork
• Visualization
• Gratitude practice

I keep a few of these spiritual practices in my toolkit. And which tool I deploy depends on what I need in a particular moment — and the intensity of the stress or anxiety produced by that unmet need.

4. Be intentional about what you consume

It’s no surprise that what we consume can either alleviate or amplify feelings of stress and anxiety. From the foods we eat to the music we play, our consumption habits have an immense impact on our mental and emotional health. 

Take “doomscrolling,” for example. A recent study found that binging negative news online, especially during uncertain times, can increase feelings of depression, isolation, and anxiety. Or consider the fact that foods rich in zinc and omega-3 fatty acids have been linked to reduced anxiety.

So how can you factor this into your self-care toolkit? Maybe it means unplugging from social media for a day (or week) or choosing to only listen to artists and music that’s positive and uplifting. You may have a go-to podcast or playlist that is proven effective at getting you out of a funk. And, of course, opting for a diet that’s nourishing and void of highly processed foods is another good option.

For me, playing my favorite Afrobeats playlist, putting my phone on DND, and simply making sure I’m drinking adequate amounts of water are a few simple ways I care for myself while managing what I consume.

5. Make room for play

This one should be straightforward and the easiest tip to implement. But the idea of play is foreign to many of us as we’ve devoted ourselves to a life of work, work, and more work. But like children, we need space to play regularly. Similar to physical movement, play can trigger the release of endorphins, our body’s natural feel-good hormones.

To incorporate play into your self-care toolkit, simply identify 2-3 things that are fun and enjoyable to you. Pick an existing hobby (this isn’t the best time to try something new), play your favorite video game, go to the playground and swing, or play a sport — even if you’re not the best at it. And if you’re not quite sure what’s fun for you in this season, give yourself permission to explore and try new things. 

6. Simply rest

Maybe your body is telling you to be still and get quiet. But if doing nothing is a hard concept to grasp, here’s the good news: resting is more than sleeping or lounging on the couch. There are seven types of rest, including emotional, sensory, and creative rest. Determine what your mind and body need and act accordingly.

Bonus: Don’t forget about the feel-good activities we often think about when we hear the term “self-care”

Yes, we’re talking bubble baths, spa days, manicures, shopping, vacations. The list goes on. While some people may roll their eyes at listing these feel-good activities as actual self-care, we can’t deny the positive effects of indulging in them — even if the effects are only temporary. The only criteria for adding something to your self-care toolkit are: 1) it must be accessible to you, 2) it must feel nourishing and restorative to you, and 3) it must actually work for you.

Emphasis on you.

Your self-care toolkit doesn’t have to be elaborate or luxurious. The purpose of this resource is to give you tools that you can easily access to effectively navigate and recover from feelings of stress and anxiety in order to tackle each day as your whole, mentally healthy self.